its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
