My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
how drunk are you?
Several
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize