What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
