If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize