My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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