Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
