Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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