Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
