If that was your dad, he is hot
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize