So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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