Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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