just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
