I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The adults are the big ones right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
