The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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