I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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