yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
