Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
