margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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