Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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