# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
