Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
