I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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