I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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