So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
