I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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