You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
