Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize