My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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