Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
