stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize