Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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