I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
