the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
