awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
