Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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