I didn't shave. On purpose
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
