Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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