Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
