Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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