I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
