Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
