Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
