well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
