hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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