KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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