Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
