Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
