I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
