he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
