i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
