I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
