We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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