i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
