Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
