Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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