Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
