Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
