If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
