Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize