Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
