sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
