3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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