I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
