dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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