these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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