sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My feet surprised me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
