I want to walk on stilts...naked
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize