I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
